Back in the Yukon

Well, as anyone who reads this blog will know, I'm back in the Yukon looking at rocks once again this summer. It's been going superbly so far, the people are great, the rocks are pretty, the days are nice, the skies are gorgeous and basically all manner of excellence is occurring. But, because of how busy and populous it is at camp I have been a bit remiss in my communications with the outside world... but fear not! A reasonably long, photo-ridden post shall hopefully rectify this situation... for the two or three people who actually read my blog... or fewer because of how infrequently I update... but I digress... On with the stories...

Well, Rene and I traveled up to Whitehorse with Ron on a two day road trip (a very long drive). Quite a few places we stopped had snow and so... of course I couldn't resist starting a snow fight...


Once out at camp the real fun begins... insanity galore!
One of the first tasks entrusted to the army of students was core box moving... we needed to get all of the old core from nucleus down to the area we have started calling the core graveyard.



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We were also entrusted with staking the sites for drill sites... During this time Rene discovered a new religion...


Fought a holy war (using core box lids)


And gained many followers/worshipers... (They're actually dancing :P)


Patrick... fresh out of UofA, and one of the junior geologists out here tight-rope walks in the evenings... it's enormous fun to watch... most of us have progressed to being able to balance while sitting on it :P




Elise and Kelsey (shown below) built us a nice small bench for outside of our tent.




Not to be outdone Rene decided, at Dave's prompting, that he must build a bigger, better bench... and immediately threw himself with his normal enthusiasm into designing and building bench using firewood... the only power tool used in the making of this bench was a drill... because we ran out of nails. And, despite initial doubts on the part of many people (indeed, Whitney bet Rene $10.00 that the first person to sit on the bench would break it) the bench is solid as a rock... and just as heavy....

The bench making process (with myself, Rene, and Dave)




The bench's final resting place


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and now... rapid fire photo time:


Silly people pictures:
Rene in office tent


Me in the office tent, covered in soot from the burn (again)


Looking snazzy at the breakfast table:


Rene... chip sampling guru


Creek jumping



The ambulance vehicle... see, dirt on your vehicle can be good for something!


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Working (yes, we do that here too :D):
Me scrambling up the steep sides of a trench


Elise and I mapping an outcrop


Army of students mapping the outcrop


Kelsey and Whitney doing the trench mapping dance


Kelsey taking dip and strike measurements


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Pretty and random photos:
The valley, in which we live


The mandrake root we found... and that Rene added eyes to:


Our tent


Sparrows


Beams of light


Cabin in the woods


----
and no need to worry we are eating very well (Rene with a fresh baked pie)


Much love to all. Miss you muchly.
Over and out
~Em

Fun with quizzes...

World's Shortest personality test... couldn't decide between two pictures so here are both of them:

Your Personality Profile

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise. Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself. You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books. You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life. You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world. A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Which of the Greek Gods are you?

Morpheus
Take this quiz!

Your element is Fire. Like fire, you have a hot temper and you can be warm and loving as well and angry and wild. It all really comes down to what you are feeling. You have a lot of close friends who you are very protective over, and with your temper probably some enemies too. You are not Miss/Mr Popular in school since you are your own person and don't want to be forced into behaving this or that way. You are the untamed wild horse, the kind that everyone wants to catch. But you don't want to be tied down for the moment and just keep going with your little crushes. Your will is strong and if you set your mind to do something, you will most likely succeed. But beware, your friends may not always accept your mood-swinging behaviour. Even if you don't mean to be mean, they can still feel hurt. You just need to start thinking some things through before you do them, and not always jump in with so much courage. One day you may be hurt because of that, but then again, your element isn't fire if you start to analyse situations before you act. After all, your nature is to shoot first and ask the questions later.
Take this quiz!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Some days my brain gets stuck on a loop and all that I do to break out of the loop or distract me from it fail. And then my mood plummets... and I end up sitting here on the computer staring at the screen with tea and Katatonia playing (and being slightly frightened, as I always do in situations like this, that it matches my mood so perfectly).

I really, really, really, really, really, really, need to get out of the city. Having a whole city of people around me right now is making me feel claustrophobic, uncomfortable, and I don't know... I want fresh air... real fresh air not this car exhaust. I want the grey sky to clear up or rain or snow or something and all the gross browns to transmute to colour... or be covered up in snow again...

I want my brain to stop doing loops so that I can stop my mood from spiralling downward due to its own endless swirls and too often travelled paths...

And don't we all want a lot of things we can't have... at least not immediately....

so I'll hope that the perfection of the mood fit to my music will help transmute my mood.... because my brain isn't going to help itself today...

well... okay...

Well... if I ever decide to seduce someone I'll keep that in mind... I guess

Moronic Safety Nets!

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/58699?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

I think it's a bad sign that for half of that article I couldn't decide whether they were being serious or not!

"But by encouraging your kids to think linearly and literally, and constantly reminding them they can never be anything but human children with no extraordinary characteristics, you can better ensure that they will lead prolonged lives."

And that's not quite how it's usually put, but it's an oft repeated sentiment when it comes to safety and school. Although the surface sentiment is always "your special/unique..." or "you can do anything..." with undertones of "you want to do what? well that won't work" if you come up with an idea outside of what they were expecting. (not true of everyone but of a lot of people)

Kids are supposed to jump up and down, run around and get scrapes and cuts and bruises! In fact those scrapes actually help the growing process!

But more and more its "don't do that you could get hurt" Baah! "could" get over it and move on life happens to everyone!

Baah! What's the point of life if you don't live a little!

Life isn't forever anyways... and quite honestly living longer by not doing things just seems moronic to me. Someone who actually does stuff will, even if they do not live as many years, actually experience a great deal more actual life!

And preventing children from playing games is just ridiculous! Banning tag? because someone could get hurt? What?!? Morons! That's all I have to say... I've played far, far more dangerous games and survived unscathed. Stifling a child's life in order to "protect" them from themselves is stupid, irresponsible... moronic! Yes, let's not let them learn how to function and move because it's all about not ever experiencing pain. Pain isn't always bad... you learn from it... it's part of life... bah!

....and before I go off on a huge long rant (I have strong feelings on this subject) I'll leave off there and actually go to bed like I meant to... and perhaps pick it up again when it isn't almost 1:00am

...also, why isn't my webpage working! and why can't I find any of my directories.... if the university lost my files I shall be quite angry, and sad I just spent a long time revamping them and hadn't backed them up yet because I wasn't quite finished! >:(

Soundtrack for my life

Stolen from Cass's blog this is an interesting little exercise... and it was shocking how many of the songs actually fit....

because I was bored I added lyrics and if you're interested in hearing any of the songs on the list you can find them all here: http://mmillermadhouse.com/music/

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...


Opening Credits:
High Hopes, Nightwish
Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
Along the long road and on down to the causeway
Do they still meet there by the cut
There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder


Waking Up:
River's Perception/Saffron (from Firefly Soundtrack by Greg Edmonson)
Sort of spacy, chinese instrunmental piece... starts out slowly and calmly and then becomes more intense.

Average Day:
Colleen I saw Him First, Amanda Marshall
Let me tell you about Colleen
My best friend since I was three
She always had a taste for dangerous things
Her scandalous tongue was extreme
I was always the one left holding the bag
Smiling and covering her tracks
Best friends, they always do that

She was the first to smoke a cigarette (she was the first)
She once let me watch her make love (woah woah yeah)
It was the kind of balance made by kings
She took it all, but left me some

I guess I'd always thought she'd have my back
But it didn't work out like that (no, no, no)
The moment I laid eyes on Jack

It was my time it was my space
It was the bright red he brought to my face
Every underdog has their day
Sorry it hurts
But Colleen, I saw him first...

First Day At School:
When Time Stood Still, E.L.O
Far beyond the things you see
Time rolls on eternally
Got a thing about it
Just can't live without it

Sitting there inside your mind
Just waiting for the clock to chime
On a lonely line
Stood a lonely man

No pictures on an empty wall
No body there no one at all
Just echoes in the ivory halls
When time stood still....

First Date:
Twilight, Delerium

Falling In Love:
Prologue, E.L.O.

Secret Love:
Innocent, Delerium
You can't see my eyes
You can't see my eyes
They don't see yours
Hear me when I say
I don't mind at all

It's the rain that I hear coming
Not a stranger or a ghost
It's the quiet of a storm approaching
That I fear the most
It's the pain that I hear coming
The slightest crystal tear, drops to the ground
In silence, when my love is near.
Darling, when did you fall? When was it over?
Darling when? When did you fall? When was it over?

It's marching through my door now
The stony cold of lonesome
A bell tolls for my heart and then my lonesome song begins
It's marching through my door now
The stony cold of lonesome
A bell tolls for my heart and now my lonesome song begins

Fight Song:
Follower, Katatonia
Hurts to see
My incapacity
Shame
Idle mind
No
You have changed me

My mouth is shut
Stupidity has shut my mouth

So when you come
I'm too unprepared to come along
I hold your hand to hard my knuckles turn white
When you clear the streets
And kill the lights...

Breaking Up:
Why am I Still Here, King Muskafa (could there have been a more perfect song for this one?)
I could have worn my sort pants today
I could have worn my crazy hat
I could have took a walk outside, i could have seen a good friend of mine, I could have stayed up real late
I could have done anything
and you wouldn't even care
so I wonder why I'm still here.

I could have worn my hair really, really long
I could have put my brother's clothes on,
I could have been unhappy, I could have been in despair, I could have been on my death bed
I could have been anything
and you wouldn't even care
So I wonder why I'm still here....


Life:
Julie don't live here, E.L.O.
I wander through a town
A town I new so well but it seems so strange
The wind blows cold
I remember when I thought your street was paved with gold
I walked along the street
A street I walked along many times before
The things have changed
Everything I knew was gone or rearranged

Chorus: julie dont live here anymore
She moved away many years before
How can it be, this I cant believe
Julie dont live here anymore

I walked up to your door
Last night I saw your face in the window
But it was different now
The lonely light where we used to be quite gone

I though about your smile
Your laughing eyes and the things you said to me
I felt so sorry for you
For all the nights we spent hanging around with nothing else to do.....

Mental Breakdown:
The Black Gate is Closed, Lord of the Rings Soundtrack (very fitting)

Learning a Lesson:
July, Katatonia
You come clean
Waves collide now
Defenseless numb arms
And no voice of reason

So how come you invited me too
You knew I wanted you
You glide above
So this night belongs to you
I know this isn't through
Are you dead to love

I see the bright lights
It's the month of July
It's violent here
Why have you left me
If only you could stay
And keep me in
It's violent here
Why did you run from me

Heat
Night devour me
Repeat
Repetition....

Deep Thoughts:
Temptation, Delerium

Driving:
L'amour de moi, Medieval Baebes
L'amour de moi, s'y est enclose
Dedans un jolie jardinet
Ou croit la rose et le muguet
Y aussi fait la passerose

Ce jardinet est bel et plaisant
Il est garni de toutes fleurs
On y prend son ébettement
Autant la nuit comme le jour

Helas il n'est si douce chose
Que de ce doux rossignolet
Qui chante au soir et au matinet
Quand il est las il se repose

Ce jardinet est bel et plaisant
Il est garni de toutes fleurs
On y prend son ébettement
Autant la nuit comme le jour

Flashback:
Rememberance, Delerium (wow, fits well)

Party Song:
Laude Novella, Medieval Baebes (yes I have tame parties :P)
Laude novella sia cantata
A l'alto donna encoronata

Fresca vergene doncella
Priomo fior, rosa novella
Tutto'l mondo a te s'apella
Nella bonor fosti nata

Laude novella sia cantata
A l'alto donna encoronata

Tu se' verga, tu se'fiore
Tu se' luna de splendore
Volunta avemo e core
De venir a te, ornata

Laude novella sia cantata
A l'alto donna encoronata

Tu se' rosa, tu se' gillio
Tu portasti el dolce fillio
Però, donna, si m'enpillio
De laudar te, honorata

Happy Dance:
Daylight, Delerium
if you can believe you're turning all the world that broke your mind
then i can do something for you even though you're lost in time

you won't have to be my heaven. i won't have to be your friend
daylight, daylight comes every time it's calling
daylight, daylight it goes away again now

don't let go don't let go of your heart
don't let go don't let go of your heart...

Regreting:
The Difference, Matchbox Twenty
Slow dancing on the boulevard
In the quiet moments while the citys still dark
Sleepwalking through the summer rain and the tired spaces
You could hear her name when she was warm and tender
And you held her arms around you
There was nothing but her love and affection
She was crazy for you
Now she's part of something that you lost

And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be....

Long Night Alone:
Stargazers, Nightwish
A grand oasis in the vastness of gloom
Child of dew-spangled cobweb Mother to the moon
Constellations beholders of the 3rd vagrant
Theater for the play of life

Tragedienne of heavens
Watching the eyes of the night
Sailing the virgin oceans
A planetride for the Mother and Child

Floating upon the quiet hydrogen lakes
In this ambrosial merry-go-round they will gaze
Ephemereal life touched by a billion-year show
Separating the poet from the woe...

Getting back together:
Silence, Delerium
Give me release
Witness me
I am outside
Give me peace
Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides
Passion choke the flower
Until she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty
Hungry still for more
Heaven holds a sense of wonder....

Wedding:
Feelin' the Same Way, Norah Jones
The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so now I know
time has come again for me

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Another day that I can't find my head
My feet don't look like they're my own
I'll try and find the floor below to stand
I hope I reach it once again

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Birth of Child:
Hold on Tight, E.L.O.
Hold on tight to your dream
Hold on tight to your dream
When you see your ship go sailing
When you feel your heart is breaking
Hold tight to your dream.

Its a long time to be gone
Time just rolls on and on
When you need a shoulder to cry on
When you get so sick of trying
Just hold tight to your dream

When you get so down that you cant get up
And you want so much but youre all out of luck
When youre so downhearted and misunderstood
Just over and over and over you could....

Final Battle:
The Uruk Hai, Lord of the Rings Soundtrack

Death Scene:
Gollum's Song
Where once was light
Now darkness falls
Where once was love
Love is no more
Don't say goodbye
Don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry
Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us
The hurt, the blame!
And we will weep to be so alone
We are lost
We can never go home

So in the end
I'll be what I will be
No loyal friend
Was ever there for me...


End Credits:
Here Comes the Rain Again, Eurythmics
Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you.....

Randomized Anger Seeking a Target

okay... my brain is officially fried as are all of my internal circuits and my emotional dampers. I really don't know why but for that past few months my anger has been simmering a lot closer to the surface than it normally is and as a result I'm never really sure when it's justified and when it's simply randomized anger trying to find a convenient target.

I almost blew up on Brad today and looking back at it I'm still not sure whether he really was being an asshole or whether it's just because of my crappy mood.

My language today was smptomatic of the whole issue as well... I really can't ever recall swearing at people, events, things, circumstances, etc. so vehmently and prolifically, ever! It normally takes quite a bit to get me to swear but today it just seemed to be pouring from my mouth.

As much as it saddens me to say it I was very grateful that Stephanie didn't stay for the igneous lab today... because if she had I know I probably would have had the anger reach a new level... and the sad thing is... it probably wouldn't have been for any good reason except for my own bitterness and annoyance at her built up over the summer. I don't normally have a problem with anger (showing it perhaps) but I don't usually feel guilty about it... well not guilty, really, just really extremely uncomfortable and critical of it... I mean, if I'm angry and it has a reason I'm fine with it... my problem lately is that I'm never sure whether there really is any justification for the anger or if it's just, as I said earlier, randomized rage seeking a target.

Bloody hell!

And of course this internal, bloody, conflict just leaves me feeling emotionally drained which makes it even harder for me to judge my emotions and even less adept in social situations where I'm never quite sure what emotion I'm projecting to my company (lately I've just been going for tired) or even how I'm actually feeling which certainly makes even thinking about talking about it a moot point... if I can't even figure out how I feel about it myself how am I supposed to explain it to someone else?

I hate anger... it's the main emotion I have incredible difficulty with... I never know how to show it, how to deal with it. It certainly never helped me in bully situations, why? Because my reaction to my inability/unwillingness to lash out in anger is frustration and intense frustration with me leads to tears... which I think, is why I've been so damn, fucking (excuse my language) close to tears all fucking month even when I feel happy.

It certainly doesn't get better in situations like this morning when Brad started shouting at me that I was stupid because the geophysics question I was having problems with was easy and to shut up and listen when I tried to explain why his "simple" method didn't work for the information given!

So what did I do... I bit my tongue, closed down my emotion transmission, allowed the observer partition of my personality to hold sway and gave him my super calm, neutral warning voice as I told him to stop yelling, that I wasn't stupid, that I had originally considered that method... started to try it and then discarded it because I realised why it wouldn't work....

Now, I realise that in this situation a certain amount of anger was acceptable... but the tidal wave of rage I felt was, I think, slightly dissproportionate to the actual events (and you have to remember that my version of events is slightly coloured by the still latent anger, though it was somewhat assuaged when he tried to solve the "simple" problem that "anyone with a brain cell should easily be able to solve" and failed... though he, of course, being Brad didn't admit that, just said that he was lazy and didn't feel like doing it any more...yeesh).

The problem comes in the uncertainty.

bloody hell... I like to be completely sure of my motivations for things... and when I can't figure them out it frustrates me to no end... especially in the case of anger... because I have issues dealing with anger directed at me, I absolutely loathe it... I tend to be sensitive to other people's emotions (in that they tend to have a huge effect on how I feel moment to moment... although overall my emotions tend to hold sway)... this also makes conflict even harde for me becuase it simply makes me feel like I'm fighting myself and my mood quickly spirals ever downward...

okay... enough bloody ranting and dumping for me because it doesn't seem to be helping right now...

Over and out

~Em

thought this was vaguely amusing:

Emily -- [adjective]: Benevolent to a fault 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Emily's synonym -- crazy (... as in maniacal!) 'What is your synonym?' at QuizGalaxy.com